I'm not sure how, but I have met Howard Stern and we are going together to some sort of swinger's club in downtown. I don't think he's been there before, and I haven't either. He drives the two of us down there in some big old boat of a car. The city isn't familiar, just like some nondescript high-rise area, and rather dirty and slummy. We park a couple blocks up from the club and walk down.

At the entrance to the club I notice that I have too much stuff that I don't want to bring in. I'm wearing cargo shorts and my pockets are full of things that I don't need. Howard is already partially in the club, just kind of in the half-open doorway and mobbed by people, but I get his attention and tell him that I have to go back to the car and put some things there. He seems gracious, and hands me a chain with three keys on it, explaining which ones are which. I don't follow the explanation in the chaos but I'm sure I can figure it out. He also gives me a black shirt, and maybe something else, to drop off at the car. I remember thinking, that's weird, Howard Stern just gave me his keys. Seems risky for a celebrity like him.

So I start toward the car, but first I must walk across this dirty empty lot in front of the club. A stocky, tough-looking woman dressed in black immediately comes to my side and starts walking with me, very suspiciously. I say something to her to get her to go away, and she makes a distinctive signal to her cohorts, who immediately emerge from the shadows. There is another woman like her, and two small girls, who immediately start attacking me and aggressively trying to pick my pockets. My hands are full (of what, I don't recall), so I have trouble defending myself. I keep careful hold on Howard Stern's keys.

I manage to fight them off, but go back in the direction of the club, giving up on the idea of going to the car. I check my stuff, and I still have keys, wallet, everything important. Maybe the club has a coat check or something that can watch my stuff. I go back into the club and ask about that, and they say yes, we can check your stuff. But it's all loose, do you have a bag we can put it in? Yes, they have a day bag, and we put the things in there. They stash it in a side room, which is full of saws and construction equipment.

Meanwhile I'm searching my pockets for anything else I want to leave behind. I have the fanny pack that I use to carry the dog leashes - that is so dorky, no way could I wear that in there. Oh, and I have my traveling day bag, where did that come from? It must have been in one of my pockets. Ok, I have this bag too. Check two bags. He gives me something, a plastic card with a teeny key on it, which I expect to be a claim check, but he says it is a coupon good for 10% off! 10% off what, I wonder, the gift shop? I'm not sure. But then he gives me some sort of claim check and instructs me to have a seat on those couches over there.

The seat to which he pointed appears high and lumpy, rather suspicious, so I choose a different one and sit down. Immediately about five small boys, perhaps 12 years old, appear from various hiding places, among them the couch where I declined to sit. They were traps for me, at each place I could go, for some sort of practical joke. They say I was supposed to sit where the kid was hiding. I laugh, and tell them I didn't sit there because he was hiding there, and that made it look suspicious.