It's morning, and I am just waking up. Amber (the baby) is lying on my chest, and she seems so big, bigger than she is in real life, maybe the size of a 2-year-old or so. I think about how mom hasn't got to see her, she's missed out on so much her life, and now it's too late, look how big she's gotten, she's not even a baby any more. I start to cry.

Victoria asks me why I'm crying.