I'm preparing to go on a television show. As I'm getting ready in the bathroom, sort of a dirty, monolithic stone room, I accidentally get a stain on the front of my khaki shorts. I look around to see where it came from, and there is a metal vent sticking out from the wall about a foot above the floor, which is covered in several colors of feces. Apparently I got some on my shoe and somehow transferred it to my shorts, because the colors are the same.

I wash the area with water but the stain doesn't come out, and even if it did, there's a wet area there, to the left of my zipper, and in order for the color difference not to be obvious to the tv cameras, I'd have to wet down my entire shorts. So I have to change.

I'm traveling, and the only thing I have in my backpack is a brightly-colored kimono and another brightly-colored shawl to go over it. Both are intense with swirling patterns, smooth and silky. I put them on and out to the talk show I go, not sure how I will explain my unusual attire.