To Joe, who so rarely gets presents shoved on ‘im
Or flowers or candy kits - not that he’d want ‘em
But he seems to arranged his whole life, oh so clever
To never get gifts from nobody, like ever
If fact, if a person believes what one hears
He’s not got a present in over 10 years!
So of course when we heard of the record he’s setting
For so many years of this present-not-getting
We all put our heads close together one day
And said we’ll put an end to this trend right away!

But we do want to say, just in case it’s not clear
Don’t expect to be treated like this every year
Once we’ve smashed your wee record, we won’t want to do
Anything next year that we do not have to do
So we’ll let you go back to your non-gifty scene
And perhaps reconsider in 2018.

Happy Birthday Joe!