A Toast

All my dear friends and family, we’re gathering here
to celebrate something of which I’m not clear
I guess it’s to do with the union of folk
Who’ve been unioned so long, well, it’s almost a joke
and frankly, myself, if it weren’t for the beer
I’m not totally certain that I would be here

But I think I am here at least partly because
I’m inclined to do what everybody else does
If you know even half of the story, believe
That is not how it is for my kid brother Steve
No, just leave it to him to decide to be ‘joint’
When we’re all asking what, if exists, is the point?

When they said they’d decided to be ‘one of heart’
It was kind of like news, but without the ‘new’ part
In fact just look at how they’ve been moving around
From one state to ‘nother, and from town to town
With Rimli ahead, and Steve trailing behind
Like she’s getting as far away as she can find
But he follows her everywhere, doggedly on
Like he just wouldn’t know who he was, were she gone
And more than once Rimli was rumored to say
“Well, we might as well marry – he won’t go away”

But one has to wonder, in thinking of this
Just why they would decide to get legally blissed
Were they sitting at home, or wherever they lurk
Saying ‘what we need here is some more paperwork’
Our relationship’s good, and we’re happy together
Wherever we are, and whatever the weather
But something is missing, and we think that we
Need a government sanction to be like we be”
Just when was the moment they noticed that what
Had once seemed a big step, was now anything but

It would seem that the reason they chose to unite
Was not why all the rest of us choose it - not quite
After all of this time, it would be my inference
That they understand neither tax nor insurance

But there is one thing, though, that I do understand
How a Rimli could choose such as Steve for a man
He is so very smart, and so brave, and so kind
And of such good genetics, and so fresh a mind
It would be a surprise of one sort or another
If she wouldn’t pick someone like him – or his brother

And when they decided they’d finally be wed
They chose rituals from some other country instead
Which I have to believe an intentional plan
To free Steve from the burden of choosing best man
And to steal from us all, those who’re gathering here
A ceremony we all hold near and dear
And a night we’ve looked forward to all of Steve’s life
When he picks a best man and, um, also a wife
All we get is this party, as I’ve described it
As a wedding, but without the weddingish bit
So before we’re embittered ‘bout what we don’t get
Let us all raise our glasses; perhaps we’ll forget

But all kidding aside, as I look ‘round the room
I see one real good bride, and an excellent groom
(Though I’m not really sure if I’m sure who is whom)

And one thing I would wish, in the form of a toast
For Steve, and for Rimli, I wish you the most
And the happiest future the future can find
Or could hope to exist in your heart and your mind

Suffice it to say, there are people like me
Who’ll attest just what turning points weddings can be
Though I’ve never heard toasts like this, that I recall
I hope nothing between you two changes at all!